Sometimes I just wonder, what's the main purpose that keeps us staying alive on Earth? I'm not suicidal or anything like that, but I'm just really curious. When we're young, we just constantly want to grow up, thinking that being a young adult would be cool and we can do everything we want, enjoy life, hang out with friends everyday. But as we start to grow older, we realized that this is not true at all. As a student, we're always chased by assignment deadlines, project submission, presentation etc. Even during holiday, when we meet up with our friends, it's to discuss about our project work. I feel like I literally have no life. Of course we do have days whereby we are free, but by that time, we'll be so tired that we just want to stay at home and rest the whole day, probably not wanting to interact with anybody. Maybe it just applies for me, but I feel this way every single day. So when you finally finish your studies, the next phase of your life is to work, which is probably the worst part about being an adult because you practically work 30-40 years until you retire. If you're getting the job that you're passionate for, then good for you. If not, you'll probably hope that you can go heaven soon lol. Everyday is just, work, home, sleep and it goes on and on. Also the main reason we work is for money, to pay bills and support the family. Hence basically, we work to survive until the day we retire and enjoy a few more years until we enter the coffin. I know everybody would have a goal in life that they want to achieve when they're still alive and kicking, but how many of us actually manage to reach it? My goal in life is actually to go to third world countries and do volunteering work, giving joy to people who are less fortunate. If not, I would want to go backpack traveling. Yeah, not that interesting but I do hope it comes true. And I would like you guys to think about your purpose in life and do you think you're able to achieve it?

Sorry for the short hiatus. I still haven't got used to my new working life.

I've been wanting to update for quite some time but I just didn't have the mood to.

I wouldn't say I'm tired out by my work, because I basically do nothing.

But probably the fact that I don't get to spend time with my family and friends.

My life had been revolving around working, going home to sleep, and then waking up for work again.

I dislike having the same routine everyday, but even if I don't work, my friends would all be busy with their assignments and projects.

Motivation. I need some motivation in life. I want to feel like I'm striving hard for something, not like now. 

When I'm just working because I have no idea where and what to spend my time on.

 To be honest, I'm not happy but neither am I depressed. I don't even know what I am feeling which makes it worse.

Alright, enough of my rumbling. 

I finally found the right time to update so here I am. 

May you guys be satisfied with your life now and truly enjoy them. 

Thanks for reading,

xoxo

How can somebody go this far to treat their mother like that.

It's been almost 6 years now, and I still don't understand why are you hating on them.

After marrying that bitch, the whole family turns upside down. She's bloody cunning. Trying to add words into people's mouth and break the family apart. I don't get what she gains from doing all these.

& you listened to everything she said and pick a fight with the rest of the other siblings.

I really wish that I could talk some sense into my uncle, because apparently he has no idea what he's doing.

Using religions as an excuse to not let the daughters keep in contact with their mother. Seriously, what you want. Now what's with all the threatening and shit like that. Don't use your money to push people down and make use of their weaknesses. One day you're gonna get drown in that pile of money that you have and suffocate to death. I don't know how many times had your actions made my mum cried, and how many times had I cursed you (sorry I sinned). We'll see in the future, how your children are gonna treat you and who shall have the last laugh. I'll never forgive the four of you, HATE FUCKING HATE YOU.

You just don't appreciate my effort, that's it.

I'm trying hard to keep the conversation going but you're obviously not.

The times when you were so upset, I was there for you, I cared. But where were you when I needed you the most?

I can't figure you out, I don't know what exactly are you thinking or planning to do.

I'm tired of your nonsense. Don't only talk to me nicely when I flare up or when I do some serious talking with you. 

If I ask you a question, you should know that I obviously know the truth, if not I wouldn't even bother asking. But why, why did you still lie to my face. 

This gave me a thought to ponder upon, all this while, was there a single thing you told that wasn't a lie? 

Yes, this is what you did to me, by lying for the first time & apparently more lies to come. Heard before a quote, "Trust takes years to build, seconds to break, forever to repair" ? You've broken that trust I had in you, and I will NOT and never believe your words anymore. 

Sometimes I wonder, why did you came into my life, why did I met you, why did I get to know you..

Maybe it's to teach me a lesson, that I should not trust anybody that easily because they will all end up betraying that trust and leave your life like everyone else did. 

People, do yourself a favor. If you don't intend to stay in my life, just leave now okay. Don't be like this pretentious person who told me that he will always be there, but ended up slowly leaving my life like everyone else.

Sorry for always being so sensitive and emotional, but I'm just feeling so unappreciated at times and I feel like I probably should just disappear and see if anyone bothers to look for me, & I know what the answer will be.. I'm fine now, don't worry. I know who cares and who don't, so don't have to text me or anything heh. I love and treasure each and everyone of my besties. 

x

I hate this feeling..

Realizing there's no one you can rely on when you're at your lowest. 

Where's everybody when you need them the most? Who's actually there, I mean who will ditch everything and just be by your side to comfort you. NO ONE.

Feeling so fucked up but I can't even find anyone to be there for me. Everybody have their own life, I understand. This is why I can't hate anyone, because sometimes when people need me, I can't be there for them as well. I should just learn to be more independent, & not always rely on the people around me. Because when they're not around, I really don't know what to do and what to feel...